Time to build a healthier version of masculinity

What would a healthier version look like?

Today is a cool and proud day for me, as my debut book is published, tackling the tough topic of masculinity and men’s mental health.

I want to use today’s piece to share my mental health story, what happened to me 10 years ago, and the years since, which led to me writing this book.

Here’s me now, taken a couple of days ago 👇 But this version of myself and this image felt a LONG way away 10 years ago.

2015 throwback

The big social media trend at the moment is the 2016 throwback, where people share what they were up to 10 years ago.

For me, 2016 was an unbelievable year, one of the best years of my life. Why?

Because 2015 was undoubtedly the worst year of my life. By 2016 I’d got through it, but the year before I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I was deep in the throes of a depressive episode, so anxious I could barely leave the house, and I wasn’t working or seeing my friends. I’d shut myself off from the outside world.

Around me I had a loving family, a great group of mates and a supportive girlfriend. How many of them knew about how I was feeling?

None. Zilch. Nada.

That’s the really tragic part of this story for me. If I put the mental health issues part of it to one side, it’s the masculinity part that really gets to me.

It was so deeply ingrained in me that men don’t talk, and if we do, then we’re weak, that I kept my struggles quiet. I chose silence over support.

It’s a crude equation, but I was essentially willing to trade my own life in order to preserve my masculine pride.

The below is me back then, smiling on the outside, looking “successful” because I’d just graduated, doing the things I was meant to be doing…finding a job, earning money etc etc.

But on the inside I was falling apart.

What did my recovery look like?

Two women intervened in my life.

My girlfriend at the time called me out for abnormal behaviour - I’d become cold, withdrawn, distant.

I thought I’d been doing a good job of keeping my mask up, but clearly my two worlds were colliding. I had no choice but to open up.

A bunch of words poured out, nothing that articulate, but it didn’t matter. I’d started the conversation. She told my mum, and then both of them got me into medical pathways and on the road to recovery.

I had to work on the mental health issues and all that stuff.

But I also had to work on my beliefs about being a man and what masculinity meant to me too.

I had to learn that emotions aren’t a sex-specific thing, they’re a human-specific thing.

I had to learn that talking is normal, not a weakness.

I had to learn that things like compassion and vulnerability are just as powerful as resilience and independence.

I had to learn that leaning on others is the best course of action sometimes.

It was a long and sometimes tough road to recovery.

But it was one that was worth it.

Where am I at now?

I don’t have all the answers and I’m certainly not some sort of complete human being, totally zen, never gets annoyed or makes mistakes.

I’m still figuring out what this whole “being a bloke” thing looks like.

I still have rough patches and periods where it feels like everything is caving in on me.

The point is this time, I approach things a bit differently. I feel more comfortable telling people around me. I approach my emotions with a healthy sense of curiosity, rather than fear and shame. I know that things will get better eventually, no matter how crap it feels at the time.

I know how many men are still struggling with their sense of masculinity, trying to be the man they’re told they have to be, even if it’s not the one they want to be.

That’s why I wrote my book.

To offer a little hope.

A new perspective.

To have the conversations we aren’t having enough on things like porn, addictions, sex, dating, body image, loneliness, and more.

But this book is also a full circle moment for me - the George of 10 years ago dreamed of being in a position like this.

This was me last week, just after a radio slot! Something I never dreamed I’d have been able to do when I was back in that place, 10 years ago.

Wherever you’re at on your journey right now, I hope this resonates with you, and I hope you know you’re not alone - there’s a whole community of us in your corner 🤝

If you’re interested in reading more about this subject and fancy grabbing a copy of my book, it would mean the world to me. You can order it here from Amazon or search ‘Be a Man About It’ wherever else you buy your books.

Let me know if you grab a copy - I’d love to say thank you.

Link to Amazon here :)