Rites of Passage #1
Physical Pursuit.
I believe we are lacking rites of passage that support us in evolving from boys to men.
Specifically, I believe that many men are trapped as “lads” and haven’t had the transformative spaces, in groups or community, to support them to grow into manhood.
We don’t have rites of passage built into our society anymore, and if we do, they have lost their way. The Stag Do being a great example of this.
However, I believe we have the opportunity to design our own rites of passage. Or, design them for our mates. There are many moments in a man’s life that we can go deeper and attach more significant meaning. Whilst this may or may not be given to us, we get to choose.
I’ve noticed 6 possible rites of passage for men. I assume there are more. These are the ones I have seen, and I believe if approached intentionally they can be a time and space of incredible growth for us.
Over the next few weeks I’ll be documenting my experience of them. I’m going to keep all of these articles free, because I believe this is important. However, if you’re in a position to support our writing and want to access our full archive, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
Today I want to focus on Physical Pursuit.
Physical Pursuit. Designing your own marathon.
In a world where our father or uncle isn’t going to take us out hunting. A physical pursuit can be a brilliant rite of passage for men. We see this more and more with the popularity of endurance running and events like Hyrox.
The bad thing is, often these events can be check-boxes. Completed “for the likes” on social media. Yet, if you really go inwards and reflect on why you want to complete a physical challenge like this and that link is pure and strong, then I really believe a physical pursuit (ideally supported by a group) can be an incredibly transformative experience.
This is something I wish I’d found earlier. I spent years messing about in gyms trying to get big arms, which was totally pointless. Only in the last few years have I completed running, trail running, multi-day events and pilgrimages that have been truly transformative for my confidence and self-belief.
Last year, I completed the Manx Mountain Marathon. A 33 mile mountain marathon across the Isle of Man. As well as navigating the 13 peaks and 3,000m of elevation on the day, I was navigating grief. I was in the cold, bitter winds of the hills of the Isle of Man and this was the perfect metaphor for my personal experiences at the time. This wasn’t pretty. Being able to come through this physical endevaour and endure it was a huge moment for me in my grief and in my passage towards manhood. I’d become a dad, but I’d lost a baby, and this event was part of my grief and part of my evolution.
Similarly, the year before I hiked around Mont Blanc with a group of mates. All like-minded young men, and a new group I’d not spent a lot of time with. The physical challenge, again, was epic. Yet what was more powerful was the new group of guys I did it with. We went on a journey together, pushed ourselves, supported one another and achieved something together. What I took from this experience mostly was a clear reflection of who I want to be and who I want to be around.
The accessibility of physical pursuits is something really brilliant about modern society. Everything from Tough Mudder to the Camino, London Marathon to the 3 peaks. There are so many physical challenges available to men that we can align ourselves to and use them as a metaphor for our personal growth.
Finding your tribe
Ideally, you have a friendship group or tribe of like-minded lads that can support you in your physical pursuit. But if you don’t, the pursuit itself should, in theory, help you find this tribe. Whether through training, or the event itself - often in pursuit of your goal you’ll find other like-minded men around you who are after the same thing. Your dad didn’t take you out hunting with the tribe, but you found your tribe another way.
With a physical challenge like a marathon, you can take yourself on your own transformational journey. Simply for the price of the race ticket. This is available to all men.
Unless you live in a religious family/community then it is highly unlikely that you have a structured set of rituals for your growth around you.
Let’s create them. I believe we are deeply lacking them and it’s holding us back.
And, if you’re looking for a rite of passage to support your growth. A physical pursuit could be the place to start. If you’ve already ticked this off, stay tuned for more in the coming weeks.
Cheers
James
Next Week: Rites of Passage #2 - Creative Pursuit
Interesting perspective. I'm also asking myself why marathons and races are becoming so popular these days... Maybe missing rites of passage and opportunities for personal and spiritual growth could be one of the reason. Maybe people are signing up to these races to push themselves to the limits, because nobody else does.