Louis missed the point on the manosphere.
He hit the board but not the bullseye.
If you’ve done any level of thinking about men, men’s mental health, and the evolving conversation around masculinity - it’s likely you’d have found the Louis Theroux documentary on the manosphere a bit underwhelming.
So much so it’s taken me two weeks to write something about it, because honestly - there’s not much to say about the documentary itself.
For me, it was a bit of an eye-roll. “Seen it all before mate” Literally seen it all before Louis, I had to spend months blocking and saying “not interested” on Instagram reels to get these idiots off my social media feeds after falling down a manosphere rabbit hole two years ago.
What was most telling for me was watching it with my wife, Sarah, who had never heard or come across any of these online personas before. She was disgusted and angry. Underlying all that, fear too. These men with these views are why many men feel like they can do or say what they want to women. Their worldview is, mostly, that women are subordinate to men, property.
On the other hand, it always shocks me how little women seem to know about the world of men. What men consume on social media, what men think. The gap is so vast. How many women would know the extent of male porn consumption, or what is said in the majority of male WhatsApp groups? I don’t think most women know the half or even quarter of it, to be honest.
My eyes were rolling though because of a few things.
I already know who these men are and already know that they are simply opportunists at best, crooks at worst
The blanket assumption that these influencers are idiots and everything they say is stupid is just as dangerous as they are. We have to understand why their message has appeal
The stories of their followers are much more important than the stories of the few that have carved out an online business selling courses to men
My take is this.
The personalities of the manospehere are uninteresting and tired now. Literally who cares about Andrew Tate and his lookalikes. They are pimps, criminals and caricatures that sell courses. Some version of these people will always exist. They are the head of an ugly spot. We need to go one or two steps deeper and reflect on why their message is compelling and understand the real needs of the young men who are looking up to these people.
On some level, their message is appealing and also true. Work hard, make money, get fit, get laid. There’s nothing inherently bad about speaking to these desires in men. These are primal desires that there is absolutely nothing shameful about. Purpose, growth, connection, significance, belonging, love. It’s how they tell people to achieve this that is the real problem.
The “girlfriend” of the fresh and fit podcast guy. The two followers of Jordan what’s-his-name in Miami. Can we hear more about these people, please? The followers, the worshippers. The women who feel like they have to accept a life with these muppets? The men who are depressed, insecure and vulnerable enough to believe that putting your hand in a diamond shape will get you somewhere? Let’s hear about that, because that is the real problem.
Male loneliness, men’s mental health, the state of the economy, and domestic abuse. All with an undercurrent of self-esteem, self-worth and purpose. A documentary on these topics would be fantastic next please, Louis.
Somehow, when it comes to men, we keep missing the point. We keep reverting to blame. It’s like we want to constantly put a man behind bars and end “toxic masculinity” forever. It’s as stupid as most of HS Tikky Tokky’s views on everything.
It’s so easy to blame. It’s easy for men to blame other men and it’s easy for women to pick a villain and blame him. Trump, Musk, Epstein, Tate - the list can go on and we can keep cycling through them all if want, but we’ll get nowhere.
Do you know what’s harder to do? Take accountability. Take a look into your own life. Get out of the matrix and actually into the real world of your family, your community, your relationship, your friendship group and take a good look at the men directly there.
What you’ll find is a dearth of positive male role models. What you’ll find is a lot of lonely men. What you’ll find is a lot of men struggling with their mental health. What you’ll find is a lot of boys growing up without dads at home. What you’ll actually see is a world that is pretty harsh for a lot of men and when you stare it in the face it’s quite ugly to look at. Because when you stare at it, it’s confusing, because aren’t men supposed to be the patriarchy? Aren’t men the ones who have it great all the time?
When you really look closely at men, beyond the manosphere and into the real world of men. There’s a lot of suffering, a lot of pain, a lot of shame, a lot of hopelessness and a lot of darkness. There are a lot of lost young men without a dad to look up to or a man who’s there for them to show them the way. This is what as a society I am convinced we are avoiding shining a light on.
When we do, then we’ll hit the bullseye.