How do I get closer to my mates?

Building better platonic relationships with men.

Strong friendships with other men, ones built around compassion and vulnerability, have become something of a lost art.

Many men have no shortage of other blokes they can drop a text to, no shortage of men following them on social media. Plenty of men they can catch up with over a beer or kick a ball around with.

But how many men have friendships they would genuinely consider deep? Built on a connection that goes beyond the superficial? One where they could ring their mate up and say “I’m really struggling”, without any fear of shame or rejection?

The honest truth is that there aren’t many men.

Those of you here, reading this, might be outliers. We’re here because, for some reason or another, we want to break out of the mold that has been forced onto men from a young age. So perhaps the above experience doesn’t ring completely true for you.

But I’d wager that for many of you (myself included), navigating friendship with other men in the modern age can still feel a bit tricky at times. It can feel like a dance where you don’t know all the moves, aren’t sure what the next song is, and to be honest would rather not be on the dancefloor at all.

Why is that? Many men have been taught to actively avoid vulnerability and emotion in their friendships, from a very young age. They were bullied out of connection on the school playground, their status judged not on the kindness of their heart, but on their sports skills.

These boys, who become men, learnt that validation among other men comes from good chat on the weekend’s football scores and how well you can dish out + receive banter.

We’re not knocking these things. So many men love and enjoy them, and indeed for many, it’s a staple part of masculine connection. But we need to be able to expand friendships beyond only the surface-level and superficial. We need to be able to bring vulnerability and honesty into our connections.

It’s not just because of our personal preference. It’s a biological need for humans. Let’s get into why and, most importantly, how.