A football club for bereaved dads
Lessons from Forget-me-Knot FC
Every two weeks I go to Forget-me-Knot FC. A football club I was part of setting up, designed specifically for bereaved dads.
Two years ago, we lost a baby and there was no specific support for dads through their journey with grief. A group of dads in our area teamed with up with the hospital and the local football team Port Vale FC to create something for these men.
Since inception it’s been a major success. Meetings are well attended. Matches are over-subscribed with dads desperate to play. The Whatsapp group is popping with support. Friendships have been made. Men, no doubt, have had their lives changed for the better. We’ve even received global press for our initiative, the lads were interviewed on This Morning in the UK and our story was picked up in America too.
I’ve learned a lot being part of setting this up. I’ve learned a lot about what works for men and men’s mental health. I believe the DNA of Forget-me-Knot FC is a blueprint that can be used to support men across the board.
Build it and they will come.
Firstly, if we say we want to support men. Then why not create support for men? It’s honestly that simple. Men deserve bespoke and tailored communities and spaces. If we create them, men will feel comfortable there and join them.
For example, we say we have a problem in society with young men. Ok then, let’s create support specifically for them. I have no doubt we have people smart enough to do so. There just hasn’t been the will. If young men are “disengaged” then it’s our responsibility to think creatively to engage them.
This willingness is where it begins. With Forget-me-Knot FC, we all had the desire to support men who had lost a baby. We’ve done many things well, but in the very first instance simply doing something specifically for men makes them feel seen, heard and understood.
More learnings:
Format. It’s simple. Meet at 6.30. Talk about your personal highs and lows for an hour. Play 5 a-side football for an hour. It’s the same format every time.
Purpose. There’s a shared purpose in coming together. Yet there’s a dual purpose in actually playing football matches too.
The Football. Football for lots of men isn’t just a sport, it’s a language. It’s a culture. This creates bonds, creates connection, creates common interest and creates a lot of safety.
Price. It’s free. Means the space is totally accessible to everyone. In my experience men are typically price sensitive and conservative on spending money on themselves.
Belonging. Because it’s a club it means men belong to something, they are part of a tribe. This really matters. Any shame in how you are feeling is taken away by being part of something public.
This mix of ingredients works. Men in Sheds is a popular, real world example. Man vs Fat is another example of a successful community for men’s health, using football as the platform. You could have a running club for men recovering from addiction (One More Run). A walking club for gamblers (Gamblers to Ramblers). The list can go on.
The myth that men can’t talk and won’t talk about their feelings or experiences is total rubbish. I’ve seen a group of men from Stoke in a sports hall in Burslem on a Monday night talk about their mental health with as much eloquence as I have any group of people in 10 years of being involved in the mental health space.
Forget-me-Knot FC is just one example of a successful community for men. This club helps men and will continue to do. Honestly, it hasn’t been that hard to set it up - all you need is the right intention.
This mix of ingredients is there for us all. There are no excuses not to create dedicated support for men if you say you want to - here’s the blueprint. Here is the inspiration.
I promise you, build it for men and men will show up. Men are thirsty for community, connection and safe spaces where they feel like they belong. If we say we want to support men, let’s do it.