Arguably the biggest news story about men in the last few weeks is Louis Theroux’s new documentary, taking a peek behind the curtain of the manosphere.

There is a very live (and very fair) discussion around just how useful or positive a thing this documentary is - which James covered here last week, so I won’t rehash that one.

Whatever your view on it, I believe there are some positives that have come from it that spell good news for men.

I believe that if we look at this from an unsentimental lens and focus not on the output, but on the reasons the documentary existed in the first place, then we can perhaps feel confident that change is around the corner.

The first step in tackling any challenge or problem is accepting that we have one. That step alone can sometimes take decades. Once we realise we have a problem, it then becomes a question of “do we want to give any energy to solving this thing?”. That step can also take a long time.

The step after? That’s where resolution normally sits (even if it’s messy, convoluted journey to get there).

I think we’re seeing the conversation on masculinity progressing in the direction we need it to. We’re aware we have a problem. We’re starting to give it attention. Now we begin to work on solutions.

Roll back the clock maybe even just a couple of years, and you’d have been laughed out the Netflix boardroom for suggesting they should headline a documentary on “men’s stuff”.

This is a start. Now let’s turn this into some real action.

2/ Free prostate cancer screening programme

Sir Chris Hoy, who has sadly been diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer, has launched a free screening programme for 25,000 men in Scotland. Obviously this story has come off the back of terribly sad news, but I have an untold amount of respect for Chris for using it to try and enact some positive change.

More broadly, many men are leaving things too late before they go to get them checked. Early detection can save lives. A much-needed programme, and we hope to see it broaden out to many other areas of health.

3/ Comedy being trialled as a treatment for mental health issues

Stand-up comedy is being trialled as an alternative treatment for depression, both to relieve pressure on the NHS, as well as giving us a chance to explore other types of treatments.

Of course, a disclaimer needs to go in here that this won’t work for everyone, and for more serious or acute cases, likely isn’t the answer. But it’s fantastic to see this approach being looked at.

This isn’t only for men or about men, but we know that many men are resistant to typical talking therapies, and so this presents another option which might be something they feel more comfortable engaging with.

4/ Attendance at men’s support groups is rising

A survey of 30 men’s wellbeing groups in Wales has found that more than 80% have reported rising attendance. Perfect. We don’t need to say much more to add to this - the good news story here is self-evident!

A snapshot there of some of the biggest stories happening around masculinity in the last few weeks.

What have you seen that we missed?

Let us know in the comments.

George and James x

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So much so it’s taken me two weeks to write something about it, because honestly - there’s not much to say about the documentary itself.

For me, it was a bit of an eye-roll. “Seen it all before mate” Literally seen it all before Louis, I had to spend months blocking and saying “not interested” on Instagram reels to get these idiots off my social media feeds after falling down a manosphere rabbit hole two years ago.

What was most telling for me was watching it with my wife, Sarah, who had never heard or come across any of these online personas before. She was disgusted and angry. Underlying all that, fear too. These men with these views are why many men feel like they can do or say what they want to women. Their worldview is, mostly, that women are subordinate to men, property.

On the other hand, it always shocks me how little women seem to know about the world of men. What men consume on social media, what men think. The gap is so vast. How many women would know the extent of male porn consumption, or what is said in the majority of male WhatsApp groups? I don’t think most women know the half or even quarter of it, to be honest.

My eyes were rolling though because of a few things.

1. I already know who these men are and already know that they are simply opportunists at best, crooks at worst

2. The blanket assumption that these influencers are idiots and everything they say is stupid is just as dangerous as they are. We have to understand why their message has appeal

3. The stories of their followers are much more important than the stories of the few that have carved out an online business selling courses to men

My take is this.

The personalities of the manospehere are uninteresting and tired now. Literally who cares about Andrew Tate and his lookalikes. They are pimps, criminals and caricatures that sell courses. Some version of these people will always exist. They are the head of an ugly spot. We need to go one or two steps deeper and reflect on why their message is compelling and understand the real needs of the young men who are looking up to these people.

On some level, their message is appealing and also true. Work hard, make money, get fit, get laid. There’s nothing inherently bad about speaking to these desires in men. These are primal desires that there is absolutely nothing shameful about. Purpose, growth, connection, significance, belonging, love. It’s how they tell people to achieve this that is the real problem.

The “girlfriend” of the fresh and fit podcast guy. The two followers of Jordan what’s-his-name in Miami. Can we hear more about these people, please? The followers, the worshippers. The women who feel like they have to accept a life with these muppets? The men who are depressed, insecure and vulnerable enough to believe that putting your hand in a diamond shape will get you somewhere? Let’s hear about that, because that is the real problem.

Male loneliness, men’s mental health, the state of the economy, and domestic abuse. All with an undercurrent of self-esteem, self-worth and purpose. A documentary on these topics would be fantastic next please, Louis.

Somehow, when it comes to men, we keep missing the point. We keep reverting to blame. It’s like we want to constantly put a man behind bars and end “toxic masculinity” forever. It’s as stupid as most of HS Tikky Tokky’s views on everything.

It’s so easy to blame. It’s easy for men to blame other men and it’s easy for women to pick a villain and blame him. Trump, Musk, Epstein, Tate - the list can go on and we can keep cycling through them all if want, but we’ll get nowhere.

Do you know what’s harder to do? Take accountability. Take a look into your own life. Get out of the matrix and actually into the real world of your family, your community, your relationship, your friendship group and take a good look at the men directly there.

What you’ll find is a dearth of positive male role models. What you’ll find is a lot of lonely men. What you’ll find is a lot of men struggling with their mental health. What you’ll find is a lot of boys growing up without dads at home. What you’ll actually see is a world that is pretty harsh for a lot of men and when you stare it in the face it’s quite ugly to look at. Because when you stare at it, it’s confusing, because aren’t men supposed to be the patriarchy? Aren’t men the ones who have it great all the time?

When you really look closely at men, beyond the manosphere and into the real world of men. There’s a lot of suffering, a lot of pain, a lot of shame, a lot of hopelessness and a lot of darkness. There are a lot of lost young men without a dad to look up to or a man who’s there for them to show them the way. This is what as a society I am convinced we are avoiding shining a light on.

When we do, then we’ll hit the bullseye.

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These are my observations and experiences, not sacraments. All are optional yet I believe all give us the opportunity for change.

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Much of the narrative pushed to men is on the premise of freedom. Stay single, be financially free, don’t get a mortgage, don’t buy a house. Rent a ferrari, get an expensive watch and six pack instead. Be a lone wolf.

I don’t think I owned anything meaningful until I was in my late twenties. Rented flats that came with cutlery, cheap black t-shirts to spill beer down and an iphone I traded in every couple of years.

It wasn’t until I was about 27/28 when I first bought a plant. I’m not joking, this was the first thing I believe I actually owned.

As you can tell, when I talk about ownership I mean more than the practical exhange of owning something. I owned a phone, laptop and a couple of suitcases full of possessions. Truthfully though, for the first 25 years of my life if I lost everything I owned in a fire - it really wouldn’t have been a big deal for me.

What I’m saying is, I didn’t truly own anything I cared about, or cared for. This freedom was liberating for a time and I don’t regret it. Yet there came a moment that ownership would mean responsibilty and taking on responsibility is an important step for emotional development and maturity.

I believe ownership is a really important passage for men.

Owning something, caring for it and taking responsibility of it. You develop a connection to something, but deeper you develop a connection to that part of yourself that does want to care for, provide and have some responsibility for another.

It could be as small as a plant. It’s a start. This plant has been with me for nearly 10 years. I recall me and Sarah buying it. I’ve watered it, sprayed it, chopped off it’s leaves. A new pot too I think. It was one of the first things I ever bought that had some level of permanence to it. That mattered to me, and still does. I could have stayed stuck in freedom, but I was free to go everywhere and nowhere. Ownership helps you pick a course and stick to it. Ownership gives you purpose and moves you forward.

Then, there’s of course a dog. I don’t have a dog, but how many people do you know who got a dog and it made their life better? Loads. Taking on a dependent who is totally reliant on you can be transformrative.

I really felt the transformative power of ownership when I bought a house. I really didn’t know I needed to cross this threshold in my life, but I did. Having the keys and owning my own home mattered to me on many levels.

• Taking on the responsibility of a mortgage is a commitment and I enjoy this commitment. I actually like that I have taken on the risk of having to pay something back. Without this, I wouldn’t be anchored or grounded.

• Actually owning a property brought out a pride in me. When I rented flats I never really felt the desire to deep clean the bathroom to be honest. Yet when it was my floor, my skirting boards and my toilet - I felt more compelled to.

• Ownership is a version of self-care. I walked into my shed the other day that I tidied last year (but it does need some work) and I thought “you could tell a lot about someone by the state of their shed”. You can tell a lot about someone by the state of their home. Look after your environment and you look after yourself.

As an example to all of this. I love sweeping up outside. We paid £6,000 for that new patio, I won’t see some leaves decay on it and make it green. Or if they do, I’ll get it jetwashed (which I need to after all this rain!). I have never ever swept up outside and not felt better for it. Every single time I look after my house, I feel that in some way I have looked after myself.

Not everyone can or wants to buy a house. But it doesn’t mean you can’t own and care for something. It could be a plant, a car, a dog.

Ownership matters, because responsibility matters.

Can you be a man without responsibilty? Can you be an adult without responsibility? I’m not sure.

A big part of a growth journey as a man is understanding consequences, taking leadership of your own life. If you don’t water a plant, it dies. If you don’t clean the bathroom it looks rank. If you don’t take your dog for a walk they bark too much.

Ownership really matters and I believe taking yourself on a journey to owning something is a genuine rite of passage for men.

House-buying is the biggest and most socially accepted norm and route. Whilst lots of self-development or financial freedom podcasts will tell you not to bother owning your own home, I think they miss the point. Yes you might make more money in the S&P 500 but I believe owning and caring for your own home matters on some fundamentally primitive level. Picking your own wallpaper, keeping your own space clean, tidy and dignified has huge emotional and psychological benefits to your growth as a man.

I don’t care what you own. I don’t care if you own a Ferrari, or a Rolex, or how many bedrooms your house has. I care about men taking ownership for something in their life. Whatever that is.

Ownership is another rite of passage for men.

Let me know what you think in the comments below. Has ownership been a rite of passage for you?

Cheers,
James

It was also one of the most daunting.

Particularly as a man.

The concept of talking…about my feelings…with a stranger? Absolutely no thank you.

When I was really struggling, it was the thing that ultimately helped to pull me out of that funk.

But it took a long, long time for me to get to the point of accepting that I wanted to go.

Somebody suggested it to me as a potential course of action, and I reacted with anger - anger that they’d even think I needed “that” kind of help.

But then the idea was planted, and I stewed on it for another couple of months before coming round to the idea.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, and it’s also not the only tool available to people who are looking to work on themselves.

But if it’s something that you’re thinking about exploring, these are 6 lessons I’ve taken from going through therapy, specifically as a man.

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I know when I was at my lowest, that was certainly at play.

If I were to pie chart what my struggle looked like, there was a lot going on:

• There was the struggle itself

• Then there was the fact I was a bloke, and was shaming myself for struggling in the first place

• And then there was this feeling of being broken, of feeling like I was unfixable and was going to be stuck this way forever

• The final slice of that pie is that I, of course, wasn’t talking about what was going for me - because I told myself that’s not what men do!

You can see why this particular pie wasn’t made up of the healthiest ingredients.

I was convinced this was my lot in life. It’s the main reason I found myself caught up in the throes of suicidal ideation.

And then I learnt about this thing called “neuroplasticity”. A fairly fun-sounding word, it became a linchpin for my recovery. In simple terms, it’s the ability of the brain to change and adapt. It can physically rewire itself and create new neural pathways.

That thought you keep having over and over again? Or that habit you can’t seem to drop? It can change. It’s one of the central tenets of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is that you can change your thinking to change your behaviour, and vice versa, to ultimately change how you feel.

Imagine you live near a beach and you go down there every single day. Everyone always walks the same path along the beach to the sea, so much so that the sand has been crushed down and a thick path has been created. What do new people do? They follow the same path.

This is what your thoughts will do; go down the path most trodden. But you can create new paths and walk a different path down that beach. It’ll be a light path at first, but gradually that one will become thicker and thicker and wind will cover the old one. Your brain isn’t a fixed circuit board, it’s more like clay, ready to be moulded. This is what you can do with your thoughts.

Things can change. Your brain can change. Your sense of masculinity can change. Where you are now doesn’t have to be where you are in a year from now, if you don’t want it to be. It’s not always easy, but it is possible.

As research for my book, I spoke with a burnout and stress coach, who also tells me that the other side to neuroplasticity is empowering ourselves with personal agency to change and avoiding getting into what she calls a “victim mindset”. Once we place ourselves into this mindset, we essentially lose all of our agency for change.

She said, “it might be a crap pill to swallow, but it’s also one of the most empowering things we can do, to say ‘I do have accountability and responsibility over this’. Going into a victim mindset is actually an easy thing to do, because you don’t have to do anything about it. You don’t have to find the energy, resources or solutions. The harder option is choosing not to be a victim.”

None of this is to dismiss the severity of things that people go through, and the emotions that come with them. We’re allowed to feel the things that we do, and changing mindsets isn’t as easy as simply flicking a light switch. Life can be hard as hell sometimes, and it’s okay to struggle.

But for many experiences in life, we are presented with a fork in the road, where we can’t choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it. Katie continued ”The self-fulling prophecy is rooted in science; if you believe you’re a victim and you can’t do anything about it, then you’re telling your brain that’s what you believe. And then your brain will give you back all the information to reinforce that belief. And then that reinforces your actions, habits and behaviours.”

On a more societal level, Katie believes this victim mindset has led to the rise of the manosphere and incels, which is a term used to describe mostly male, heterosexual groups who claim they’re unable to find a sexual partner, and so blame and shame women and girls as a result. Katie said, “while many may be struggling with loneliness or rejection, their mindset can become dangerous and weaponised. And then you have toxic influencers who prey on this mindset, convincing people that you can escape through violence and oppression.”

One of the worst (and best) things about being human is that nothing is set in stone. Healing is rarely ever linear, and we have ups and downs.

But just because you have a particular thought or belief now, doesn’t mean it always has to be so.

A brain that has been taught emotional suppression can unlearn this and relearn emotional expression instead.

Some of these unhelpful societal beliefs which act more like handcuffs than aids can be worked back, and we can change our relationship to our emotions, our bodies, ourselves.

Sometimes all it starts with is curiosity.

A journaling question:

What’s one belief you have about yourself which feels worn into your brain like an old path? What might a new path look like? Try to walk it at least once a day.

Let us know what you thought of this!

George and James x

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How many times have you asked it yourself?

If we’re all being honest, we’ve probably all asked it at least once. Or even if we haven’t vocalised it, we’ve thought about it. Wondered what a “good” number looks like, wondered at what point we’ll get the seal of approval from our mates on having enough “notches on the bedpost”.

It’s one of the greatest sources of anxiety and angst for young men growing up. It’s also one of the prime factors, if not the most important, around which a young man is judged.

The equation is crude and simple.

The more people you sleep with = the more of a man you are.

Of course, other elements get added into the equation. You get more points if your mates deem the other person to be “fit”.

It can add on a whole other dimension to the conversation, where it’s not just about how many people you sleep with, but it’s also about how “fit” they are perceived to be, how regularly you are having sex (god forbid anyone has a “dry patch”!), and how well you’re performing the act too.

How have we got to this place?

This conversation isn’t just about sex, although that’s the perception that many hold, and why men often hold the unfair reputation of “only caring about one thing and one thing only”.

When researching for my book, I interviewed a relationships and dating coach, and he told me that this is much deeper than simply sex. This goes to a core wound that so many men carry - one of not feeling good enough.

This can surface in many ways, but essentially, most men carry a feeling of inadequacy, whether or not that’s explicitly felt.

But why is sex the antidote that so many men fall back on when trying to heal this wound, even if they don’t realise that’s what they’re doing?

Let’s get into it.

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We couldn’t write that in the subject line because apparently it sets all sorts of spam filters into overdrive.

But we want to be explicit about what this post is about - because all too often this is a conversation that stays hidden in the shadows or in banter down the pub. Or gets talked about in half-sentences.

And it means a lot of men are struggling in silence.

We’re going to get into what it is, why it affects men so deeply, and what we can do about it.

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These are simply my observations and experiences, not sacraments. All are optional yet I believe all give us the opportunity for change.

I’m sharing this writing for free. If our writing is meaningful to you, please support our writing for the price of one beer per month (£6.92 is the average price of a Neck Oil in LDN)

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#2: Creative Pursuit

More and more men want to start businesses. Or, start Instagram pages documenting their fitness journey. Or, write a book, or start a blog. I think this is less about the potential financial reward and more about the passage of taking something from an idea to reality. There’s a journey in doing that in which you have to grow as a person. You have to be brave and put yourself out there. You also have to commit to something, you have to learn something. You have to take an act of leadership; saying you’ll do something, and doing it.

I’ve witnessed many young men start nervously sharing their story, writing or putting their ideas out in the world. Some, refrain at the first sight of judgement from friends or family. Others, feel the fear and do it anyway. They follow some intent, intuition or feeling that they simply must pursue this creative inspiration. Those who turn their back on this invitation harbour the frustration of unexpressed potential. Those who answer the call pull on a rope that takes them deeper into open water, and they learn to swim.

I’ve seen it in fitness instagram accounts that go under the radar, only for you to find them because instagram suggests them to you. You then message your mate with a screenshot; “is this you?” I’ve seen it in business ideas that get spoken about in the smoking area after a few beers. I’ve seen many men take their ideas out into the world and grow alongside whatever creative pursuit they’ve chosen. I’ve seen many refuse this opportunity for growth because they lack the conviction, confidence, accountability and support.

Creative pursuits offered me my first opportunities to evolve. I reached for them at an early age. I dropped out of university to start a business at 20. Unfortunately that initial pursuit was hollow and full of ego. Afterwards I felt compelled to write openly about mental health. I followed my gut and did it, despite being afraid. This creative outburst led me down the most transformative period of my life as I ended up starting a business in the mental health space. My initial forays into creative pursuit were sometimes brazen and public (often where I was led by fear), or they were anonymous and secretive (when my heart was really singing). When I did end up writing publicly about my mental health, it was only after years of blogging anonymously under a pseudonym.

Not all creative pursuits need to result in you starting a business that “easily makes you 10k a month” - most of the social media noise on this is just selling you a course. Yet I do believe following a creative pursuit is a brilliant rite of passage for men that anyone can start.

In a way, the beauty of the creative pursuit, much like the physical one - is that there are really no excuses. This opportunity for your growth is there. If you want to write a book, there is very little stopping you. If you want to make videos, or websites, sell things or paint - there is nothing stopping you. You have the tools. If you are honest with yourself, you have the time. You might not have the belief, but you can find that in this pursuit.

Even just starting. Doing something once can be a source of growth and change. Of course, you want to complete it, but even beginning can set the wheels of change in motion. Opening the blank page for the first time. Buying a domain name. Sending a message. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s growth.

Here is why a creative pursuit can help you grow

• Finding something you are passionate about. Ultimately you’ll want to pursue something you enjoy. Something that you actually want to do and spend time on. Finding this is a great output for your whole life.

• Learning. You’ll likely learn new skills and do something you’ve never done before. I remember the liberation of creating a website for the first time, thinking “what I can actually make what I want?”

• You’ll have to go public. You’ll have to share something somewhere with the world. You’ll face all the feelings that go with this.

• Your mates will take the p*ss. If it’s not your mates, someone will. You’ll find your own troll somewhere in your life and you’ll have to stare their looks of doubt in the eyes and prove them wrong.

• You’ll face the fear of rejection and failure. You can’t create anything without the risk of failure and rejection. Both are a hill to climb and you’ll have to navigate and conquer them both.

• You’ll feel pride. It could be the pride of finishing and being recognised. It could be the curse of pride stopping you from moving on and admitting it hasn’t worked or you’ve had enough. Really, more than anything - you’ll have to face yourself.

I don’t know if the opportunity for a creative pursuit presents itself to everyone. Some men just don’t want want to grow in this way, or in that direction. They’re “just not creative”. I totally disagree, everyone is a creator in their life. But I respect the decision not to go on a creative adventure.

I believe for more and more men a creative pursuit is becoming an option and a path. In a world where creative acts are no longer reserved for the wealthy elite - we can all be creators. Anyone with a microphone and an internet connection can try their hand at being a philosopher. I’d like to see more men take up these opportunities. But importantly, see the creative pursuit not as an end-point, but as a rite of passage itself. Just like the marathon, if you only do it for the medal and the instagram post saying “you did it” - you’ll miss all the learning in the training.

In coming articles I’ll share more about the other rites of passage that I believe are available to us.

Cheers,
James

Next Week: Rites of Passage #3 - Ownership

Specifically, I believe that many men are trapped as “lads” and haven’t had the transformative spaces, in groups or community, to support them to grow into manhood.

We don’t have rites of passage built into our society anymore, and if we do, they have lost their way. The Stag Do being a great example of this.

However, I believe we have the opportunity to design our own rites of passage. Or, design them for our mates. There are many moments in a man’s life that we can go deeper and attach more significant meaning. Whilst this may or may not be given to us, we get to choose.

I’ve noticed 6 possible rites of passage for men. I assume there are more. These are the ones I have seen, and I believe if approached intentionally they can be a time and space of incredible growth for us.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be documenting my experience of them. I’m going to keep all of these articles free, because I believe this is important. However, if you’re in a position to support our writing and want to access our full archive, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

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Today I want to focus on Physical Pursuit.

Physical Pursuit. Designing your own marathon.

In a world where our father or uncle isn’t going to take us out hunting. A physical pursuit can be a brilliant rite of passage for men. We see this more and more with the popularity of endurance running and events like Hyrox.

The bad thing is, often these events can be check-boxes. Completed “for the likes” on social media. Yet, if you really go inwards and reflect on why you want to complete a physical challenge like this and that link is pure and strong, then I really believe a physical pursuit (ideally supported by a group) can be an incredibly transformative experience.

This is something I wish I’d found earlier. I spent years messing about in gyms trying to get big arms, which was totally pointless. Only in the last few years have I completed running, trail running, multi-day events and pilgrimages that have been truly transformative for my confidence and self-belief.

Last year, I completed the Manx Mountain Marathon. A 33 mile mountain marathon across the Isle of Man. As well as navigating the 13 peaks and 3,000m of elevation on the day, I was navigating grief. I was in the cold, bitter winds of the hills of the Isle of Man and this was the perfect metaphor for my personal experiences at the time. This wasn’t pretty. Being able to come through this physical endevaour and endure it was a huge moment for me in my grief and in my passage towards manhood. I’d become a dad, but I’d lost a baby, and this event was part of my grief and part of my evolution.

@jdroutledge

James Routledge on Instagram: "Manx Mountain Marathon ✅ 🥴 Firs…

Similarly, the year before I hiked around Mont Blanc with a group of mates. All like-minded young men, and a new group I’d not spent a lot of time with. The physical challenge, again, was epic. Yet what was more powerful was the new group of guys I did it with. We went on a journey together, pushed ourselves, supported one another and achieved something together. What I took from this experience mostly was a clear reflection of who I want to be and who I want to be around.

@jdroutledge

James Routledge on Instagram: "Tour Du Mont Blanc 🇫🇷 🇮🇹 🇨…

The accessibility of physical pursuits is something really brilliant about modern society. Everything from Tough Mudder to the Camino, London Marathon to the 3 peaks. There are so many physical challenges available to men that we can align ourselves to and use them as a metaphor for our personal growth.

Finding your tribe

Ideally, you have a friendship group or tribe of like-minded lads that can support you in your physical pursuit. But if you don’t, the pursuit itself should, in theory, help you find this tribe. Whether through training, or the event itself - often in pursuit of your goal you’ll find other like-minded men around you who are after the same thing. Your dad didn’t take you out hunting with the tribe, but you found your tribe another way.

With a physical challenge like a marathon, you can take yourself on your own transformational journey. Simply for the price of the race ticket. This is available to all men.

Unless you live in a religious family/community then it is highly unlikely that you have a structured set of rituals for your growth around you.

Let’s create them. I believe we are deeply lacking them and it’s holding us back.

And, if you’re looking for a rite of passage to support your growth. A physical pursuit could be the place to start. If you’ve already ticked this off, stay tuned for more in the coming weeks.

Cheers
James

Next Week: Rites of Passage #2 - Creative Pursuit

I want to use today’s piece to share my mental health story, what happened to me 10 years ago, and the years since, which led to me writing this book.

Here’s me now, taken a couple of days ago 👇 But this version of myself and this image felt a LONG way away 10 years ago.

2015 throwback

The big social media trend at the moment is the 2016 throwback, where people share what they were up to 10 years ago.

For me, 2016 was an unbelievable year, one of the best years of my life. Why?

Because 2015 was undoubtedly the worst year of my life. By 2016 I’d got through it, but the year before I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I was deep in the throes of a depressive episode, so anxious I could barely leave the house, and I wasn’t working or seeing my friends. I’d shut myself off from the outside world.

Around me I had a loving family, a great group of mates and a supportive girlfriend. How many of them knew about how I was feeling?

None. Zilch. Nada.

That’s the really tragic part of this story for me. If I put the mental health issues part of it to one side, it’s the masculinity part that really gets to me.

It was so deeply ingrained in me that men don’t talk, and if we do, then we’re weak, that I kept my struggles quiet. I chose silence over support.

It’s a crude equation, but I was essentially willing to trade my own life in order to preserve my masculine pride.

The below is me back then, smiling on the outside, looking “successful” because I’d just graduated, doing the things I was meant to be doing…finding a job, earning money etc etc.

But on the inside I was falling apart.

What did my recovery look like?

Two women intervened in my life.

My girlfriend at the time called me out for abnormal behaviour - I’d become cold, withdrawn, distant.

I thought I’d been doing a good job of keeping my mask up, but clearly my two worlds were colliding. I had no choice but to open up.

A bunch of words poured out, nothing that articulate, but it didn’t matter. I’d started the conversation. She told my mum, and then both of them got me into medical pathways and on the road to recovery.

I had to work on the mental health issues and all that stuff.

But I also had to work on my beliefs about being a man and what masculinity meant to me too.

I had to learn that emotions aren’t a sex-specific thing, they’re a human-specific thing.

I had to learn that talking is normal, not a weakness.

I had to learn that things like compassion and vulnerability are just as powerful as resilience and independence.

I had to learn that leaning on others is the best course of action sometimes.

It was a long and sometimes tough road to recovery.

But it was one that was worth it.

Where am I at now?

I don’t have all the answers and I’m certainly not some sort of complete human being, totally zen, never gets annoyed or makes mistakes.

I’m still figuring out what this whole “being a bloke” thing looks like.

I still have rough patches and periods where it feels like everything is caving in on me.

The point is this time, I approach things a bit differently. I feel more comfortable telling people around me. I approach my emotions with a healthy sense of curiosity, rather than fear and shame. I know that things will get better eventually, no matter how crap it feels at the time.

I know how many men are still struggling with their sense of masculinity, trying to be the man they’re told they have to be, even if it’s not the one they want to be.

That’s why I wrote my book.

To offer a little hope.

A new perspective.

To have the conversations we aren’t having enough on things like porn, addictions, sex, dating, body image, loneliness, and more.

But this book is also a full circle moment for me - the George of 10 years ago dreamed of being in a position like this.

Wherever you’re at on your journey right now, I hope this resonates with you, and I hope you know you’re not alone - there’s a whole community of us in your corner 🤝

If you’re interested in reading more about this subject and fancy grabbing a copy of my book, it would mean the world to me. You can order it here from Amazon or search ‘Be a Man About It’ wherever else you buy your books.

Let me know if you grab a copy - I’d love to say thank you.

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I hope however you celebrated your holiday period was a nice one.

I start the year feeling a mix of emotions about men and masculinity. On the one hand, it’s impossible not to feel some excitement and joy. My book, Be a Man About It, launches on 22nd Jan, something I’ve been working to for over a year, so naturally there is some pride there.

And that pride comes from a place of optimism. I wrote my book because this topic is one that needs more attention, but also because people are more willing to have these conversations.

Roll back the clock even 5 years, would my book be getting any traction? Would we have half as many sign-ups on JACK as we do?

We’re getting to the point where we can talk about “men’s rights” and not only be met with the roll of eyes and a few sighs.

That gives me optimism, and I see more of that coming for 2026. More books being published and more difficult conversations being had. More poor behaviour being called out, but more focusing on the positive stuff too.

Do I think we’ll nail it this year? No. But we’re talking about working back decades, maybe even centuries, of cultural conditioning. This stuff isn’t going to be a quick fix.

But if we can take one step at a time in the right direction, then that feels good.

Sadly though, my optimism and pride is tinged by some usual head shaking and disappointment.

We’re only a couple of weeks into the new year, and I’ve seen stories that have made me question if we’re going to continually take two steps back for every one of those steps forward that we make.

First, I see a story about Grok, X’s in-built AI companion. You can ask it to do a bunch of stuff in the feed and it will comply (e.g Grok, please explain the context a post).

It hasn’t taken long for some of the more depraved people on the internet to use it for seedy purposes. From what I’ve seen, this has involved a lot of men commenting on women’s photos and asking Grok to remove her clothing, and place her in scantily-clad items instead.

Now let’s be clear, this isn’t just men. There are frankly an overwhelming amount of female porn stars doing it to themselves, uploading a photo and then asking Grok to undress them, as well as male porn stars.

But the narrative that is getting shaped around this is what men are doing with the tool. It frustrates me because it gives society at large another stick to beat the collective man with, as it plays into the stereotypes that we’re sexual predators who must be stopped. It’s not all men, but it’s enough men that it gives the rest of us a bad rap.

There’s a lot to unpack here, not least the lack of safety the platforms themselves are building in. But still, not a great way to start the year.

Then I see a discussion on the Diary of a CEO podcast, where a male guest talks about how a large percentage of the male gene pool is dying out, and Steven Bartlett asks if society should be intervening in some way. I think the question was intended innocently - perhaps maybe that is me giving the benefit of the doubt, assuming it came from a place of “what if everyone stops reproducing and the world dies out?”, but that’s not how it’s been received.

Unenviable and fair comparisons have been made to The Handmaid’s Tale, the premise of which is about state-controlled reproduction where women are essentially treated as forced surrogates for a bunch of rich people. It feels dystopian, but conversations like that make people question if it was less dystopian, more reality. The trouble is it took them too long to raise the important perspective of body consent and personal choice.

It’s not a great look, and it’s fuelled the narrative again that men almost don’t deserve to be talking about struggle, when they aren’t able to consider the struggles of other groups.

My LinkedIn feed has been awash with these two stories since I logged back on this year, and it’s made me sad to see the general narrative it can lean into about how much of a problem men are.

Don’t get me wrong, both of these stories aren’t good, and we can’t avoid or excuse problematic conversations like this. My worry is if we keep doing the thing we’ve always been doing where we only focus on the bad in men, and forget to look at the positives too.

I’m holding onto hope for this year though.

I think this year is going to be a good one for men and masculinity.

What do you think?

Have you seen any stories that caught your eye?

P.S I’d be eternally grateful to anyone who picks up a copy of my book - any sales help with early momentum and genuinely mean the world to me. Let me know if you do - I’d love to say thank you :)

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Cue the inevitable jokes about “where has the bloody time gone?”.

And then cue the inevitable question - “got any nice plans?”

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, this holiday season is generally one where you’ll be swept up by it in some way or another.

Perhaps it’s a few days off over December, get togethers with family, or a ‘Christmas Set Menu’ card shoved in your face at your favourite restaurant.

Jolly ads in between our streaming shows and an abundance of deals on chocolate box sets (they get me every single bloody time).

Whatever it is, and whatever your feelings about Christmas, we’re swept up into the festive season whether we want to be or not.

There’s a lot to love about this time of year. Gift-giving, socialising, and a prevailing mood of jolliness.

But there’s a darker side to all of that stuff. Money worries, a pressure to drink alcohol or to have fun, a sense of loneliness.

For many men, I think it can often be a time of year that creates this perfect storm of masculinity where we can lean into things that we love, while also having things we’re struggling with really heightened. Many love the chance to get together with their mates, the late nights out, the series of jam-packed days of sports fixtures. I know it’s a staple of many men’s calendars.

But it can also bring sharply into focus many of the stresses and strains we carry.

“Did I achieve what I wanted to this year? Am I a failure if I didn’t?”

“I know I’m going to drink alcohol, but I’m not sure I’m ready for how I’ll feel after.”

"I want to say no, but I don’t want to be ridiculed for it.”

“Everyone keeps telling me this is the time to be happy, but I don’t know how to.”

“I have a difficult relationship with my family, and yet I’m told this should be a great time to be with them.”

It can bring up a lot of emotions, unanswered questions, experiences that we’ve not yet dealt with. Spending time with people we’d rather not, or spending time wishing people were here that aren’t.

We can sometimes take a masculine approach to it all, finding solace in alcohol, spending more on gifts than we should to prove we’re “doing alright”.

It can be a tough time of year.

Whatever you have planned this year and whether you celebrate or not, I hope you can find some time for balance and relaxation over the next few weeks.

This is a post to say we see you, we get it, and if you’re silently dreading the next few weeks, then that’s okay. Equally, if you’re buzzing for this time of year and love Christmas, then that’s okay too.

There’s no right or wrong here, no singular way of doing things. Just try to do the things that work for you, in between the inevitable compromises that have to go into the calendar.

We’re going to take a break from this newsletter for a couple of weeks, in the spirit of slowing down and recharging the batteries.

Have a good couple of weeks, and we’re looking forward to being back next year for more conversations that matter.

Let us know in the comments what you’re up to. What you want to see more of next year. What you have coming up but you wish you didn’t. Whatever is on your mind 👍

And have a good holidays, in whatever way works for you.

George and James x

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1/ Men’s Health Strategy for England

The first ever Men’s Health strategy has been launched in the UK.

It coincided with International Men’s Day and includes teaming up with the Premier League.

This is huge news, as the government takes a holistic view to men’s health, tackling things like alcohol addiction, gambling, and suicide.

It’s a big statement of intent, and while the proof will be in the pudding in terms of results, it at least shows how the world is waking up to needing to do more around men’s health, and taking it more seriously.

Read a summary here from Sky News, or the official announcement from the government here.

2/ International Men’s Day

A special note here for IMD, that was celebrated on 19th November. The theme for this year? “Celebrating Men and Boys”.

It’s so good to see the conversation about men expanding out from only focusing on problems, but also to be celebrating what’s good about men. It touched on topics like positive male role models, family and community, and examples of positive masculinity.

3/ An honest conversation about prostate cancer and erectile dysfunction

Kenny Logan, a former Scottish rugby player, was featured in a lengthy Sun article, discussing his prostate cancer journey, and the impact that it had on his sex life. It’s a powerful piece and one that pulls back the lid on a topic which is often kept in the shadows.

Neglection of health and the shame around sex are two huge topics around men that need more focus, and this article does a brilliant job of tackling both.

4/ More positive male role models

Model David Gandy was recently on Sky News, talking about the need for a better narrative about good men, and pushing back on “immature” and “disruptive” ideas of masculinity that are touted by some influencers.

David could arguably be seen as the classic archetypal male - handsome, a brooding look, successful, wealthy. So it’s really powerful when men who fit this one view of men speak out about a more expanded, holistic version of it.

5/ Launch of new platforms and communities for men

Several services for men have launched or gained exposure in recent weeks, including Men’s Counselling Service in Doncaster and Menfulness in Yorkshire.

Things are happening. The noise is getting loud. Men are getting the support they need.

Let’s keep beating this drum.

A snapshot there of some of the biggest stories happening around masculinity in the last few weeks.

What have you seen that we missed?

Let us know in the comments.

George and James x

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In that moment, holding my son, Xander, I felt my whole life change.

In the 5 weeks since I’ve been a different person. I’ve had a new lease of life. New purpose. New direction. I have felt electric with meaning. Tired, yes. But energised also too.

I resent the fact that when we talk about men, one of the only positive conversations we seem to be having is about men becoming dads. It annoys me that we only seem to give permission for men’s sensitivity, care and affection when it comes to fatherhood. As if that has no place in a man’s life before he may become a dad.

The rest of this article is one of the monthly paid pieces for JACK subscribers, we’d love it if you’d consider upgrading, or you can redeem your free article token to unlock this article.

More so, it angers me that so many men refuse change and personal transformation until they become a dad. Like it takes you having a daughter to start respecting women. Or it takes you caring for another human to take care of yourself.

I’m sitting here on the cusp of my own transformative shift into fatherhood and I can feel the gravity of this threshold. I have literally crossed into a whole new life and a whole new way of being.

For me, this change is really welcomed. I was really really ready for this. I’m 34, married, we own our own home, we live near our family and I’ve accomplished a lot of what I wanted to do personally and professionally. I feel very ready to give and be in service of something greater. A family. For the last couple of years going on holiday with just me and Sarah has felt quite empty, how many more great hikes can we do? How many more beaches can we lozack on?

Becoming a Dad isn’t the only threshold I’ve ever crossed in my life before either. I’ve spent 10+ years putting in the work on myself. At 25 I navigated a breakdown/burnout/existential crisis/quarter life crisis and responded to the panic attacks and anxiety I was feeling by taking myself on a healing journey over the next 5 years.

One thing I’m certain we are lacking as men is rite of passage and ritual. We have to navigate the journey from boy to lad to guy to man all alone. No brotherhood, no community, no hunting in the forest with your dad and your uncle to guide you. Sometimes we’re able to journey through those passages ourselves in a DIY manner.

I went through a rite of passage of sorts at 25 when I shut down my first business and bounced back in a rebirth, completely changing myself from one version of me to another. It wasn’t easy though, it was a real mess and I had to build a tribe around me from scratch to do it.

The reason I believe becoming a dad is getting so much attention for men is that it’s a really physical and tangible rite of passage that society is accepting and welcoming of. There’s still little support for dads, but men are beginning to unite around the shared passage of fatherhood. I love this and I love how healthy this is for men and wider society.

Yet, this has also shone a light for me on how much we are lacking other forms of community and ritual to support other identity shifts and changes for men. If done well, a Stag Do and a wedding can be a period of growth and change for men. As they unfold from “bachelor” to “husband” and take on the responsibility of that role, whilst being seen and witnessed by others.

Yet too often this ritual and rite of passage becomes dressing up as buzz lightyear and drinking jagerbombs on a stag, and then saying how great all the bridesmaids look in the speech at the wedding.

Then, if we look at what spaces, traditions and moments are culturally available to men, you can conceivably see boys waiting 20 years to pass through a transformative shift in their life. What modern traditions and rites of passage do we have for boys and men? Is becoming a dad one of the only we actually have available to us? I genuinely think so.

Young men could conceivably go from aged ~13 to ~34 alone, with no community support, no brotherhood, no ritual, no tradition, no pats on the back, nobody holding a mirror up, nobody telling you what they mean to you. Let’s assume I get married and have a stag and a wedding in my late twenties or early thirties maybe these moments give me some comfort, some support and some opportunity for growth (but probably not). Then in my early thirties I become a dad, this might be the first moment I truly cross the threshold into, not just fatherhood, but manhood itself.

I am absolutely loving being a dad. And I am absolutely loving the energy around dads in modern culture right now. The conversation around dads is everywhere. Modern Wisdom podcasts with Jon Bellion, John Lewis adverts, dad meet ups all over my linkedin. Yet, come on. This can’t be all we have for men. Hands up, right now being a dad feels like everything in my life, I’m consumed by it. But when I zoom out, we can’t let being a dad be the only thing for men. We can’t let dads dominant the conversation around men, because we are so much more than that and for young men who go from their teenage years, through to their early twenties with all of that life in between - we have to be creating community, ritual and tradition that supports the transition from boy to man way before you have another tiny human life in your hands.

I’m loving my new role and identity as a Dad. I believe I made myself ready for it by going through other changes and shift in my life well before this one. I don’t want becoming a Dad to become the only way men change, or grow.

Yes, let’s celebrate and support Dads.

But please let’s celebrate and support men too.

What’s been your experience of this? Let us know in the comments!

James x

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There’s one thing that has become the focal point of male banter, and is placed on a pedestal above all else as being the thing that makes a man, a man.

And that is, of course, the size of his member downstairs.

When I was researching into this topic, I came across threads from men who had anonymously posted that they’ve never even attempted to start an intimate relationship, assuming nobody would want them because of their size. Others talked openly about wanting to take their own lives.

For many men, the idea of what makes them “good men” is deeply entangled with their penis, specifically its length. It’s sometimes easy to underestimate how deeply a man’s penis can impact him. Sometimes it can be a source of masculine pride, other times of unspoken shame. Sometimes both.

Some studies have found that as many as 45% of the population have expressed dissatisfaction and anxiety over their penis size, although I’d wager this number may be under reported.

It seems strange really, doesn’t it? To spend so much of our time worrying about the size of an organ. I’m sure we don’t spend half as much time worrying about the size of our heart or lungs, two just as important, if not more so, organs. So why are we so overly concerned with penis size?

There are some biological leanings. For example, testosterone plays a role in penis development during puberty. Although it has no impact on development in adulthood, there may be a belief that a larger penis equals more testosterone which equals more manliness.

If men do think in linear ways, then there’s almost no simpler equation than that. It’s one of the simplest, and sometimes most misleading, equations. Bigger equals better, and bigger equals manlier. We aren’t necessarily always taught it outright, but it’s present; in conversations, in media, in jokes.

These jokes and conversations float from the playground to the pub, from teenagehood to adulthood. And it’s not helped, of course, by the often exaggerated sizes and performances in porn, which is where many are getting their education from.

How do you think a teenage boy or vulnerable man feels when comparing his size to that of a pornstar, sometimes someone twenty years his senior? The truth is, we don’t yet truly know just how far-reaching the impact will be of what anxieties the next generations may carry into the bedroom.

Dr. James Stevenson, a Lead Physician at Bupa, highlights how porn often features unrealistically well-endowed men, when he said to me: “I’ve had quite a few patients come to me who are worried about the size of their penis, because it gets ingrained into boys and men that they aren’t big enough, and therefore aren’t good enough. I have to spend so much of my time re-educating boys and men that everyone is different, you don’t need much size for a healthy sex life.”

Much of what men believe about the size of their penis, and the shame they therefore carry with it, is a culturally and socially shaped narrative, reinforced through humour and in porn. They’re not getting the correct education that they need, and then they’re suppressed into not talking about their shame. But you only have to roll the historical clock back a few thousand years to see that things were different.

In Ancient Greece, small penises were associated with self-control, rationality and wisdom. It’s why when you take trips to local museums and see statues from these times, they’re often carved with small, non-erect penises. On the other hand, larger penises were associated with barbarism, foolishness and uncontrolled lust. That’s why Greek art of grotesque figures generally depicted larger, more erect penises.

Clearly, the Ancient Greeks were onto something, and I’m not talking about size, I’m talking about values. They understood that intelligence and self-control were wise traits to value in their men and so perhaps it’s no wonder they produced some of the greatest philosophical minds in Plato, Socrates and Aristotle. These days it’s much less common to hear men praised for their critical thinking on the form of the soul, save for perhaps academic circles.

As history progressed through to Medieval and Renaissance Europe, penis size often, particularly in Western contexts, became associated with virility, masculinity and social power. One of the more modern psychoanalysts, Sigmund Freud, placed symbolic importance on the phallus, associating it with power and dominance, and this idea influenced Western ideas of masculinity, and no doubt played a part in shaping our cultural narratives today.

Although Freud also said young girls have penis envy, believing that they feel inferior because they don’t have one, and also that boys as young as three develop unconscious sexual desires for their mother, and so harbour resentment towards their father. Ideas which are often heavily criticised due to a lack of empirical evidence, and so perhaps his work is more revealing of a point in time, rather than definitive human behaviour.

But, wherever these beliefs originated from, we now live in a society that often cares more about the external than the internal. Whether it’s conscious or subconscious, we place value on the materialistic and the physical, and that’s how many men measure their worth. In the price tag on their watch or the size of their physical attributes.

Shame doesn’t travel alone, and whether intentional or not, it’s often carried forward on the jokes we make, the conversations we have, the things we value. But it doesn’t need to be this way.

As Dr. James Stevenson said, “the really important thing I want to get across is that everyone, no matter their size, shape, or gender, should be allowed to have a healthy sex life. But men often don’t think that they’re good enough.”

And why don’t they believe they’re good enough? Because they’re measuring themselves up against what they’ve been told matters; physical attributes and external qualities. While there is a place for these, they often aren’t measuring themselves for what’s on the inside too. When a man equates so much of his masculinity with his penis, if he feels shame around it, that shame will haunt him constantly.

So much of this is a societal construct, which has changed throughout periods of history. Perhaps we’re due another cultural shift, one that remembers what’s always mattered more.

Further reading:

• Penis size shaming is still too normalised. It’s time to talk about it - a brilliant opinion piece on this often-overlooked aspect of body shaming.

• Unhung Heroes: Overcoming Small-Penis Shame- an interesting article that looks at how some people have overcome their shame. Perhaps slightly too on-the-nose in places, but still interesting.

• Beliefs about Penis Size: Validation of a Scale for Men Ashamed about Their Penis Size - a study which aimed to validate a method by which a man’s shame about his penis size could actually be measured.

A journaling question:

What would change for you if you no longer saw size or performance as a reflection of your worth?

Let us know what you thought of this!

George and James x

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£50K?

£100K?

More?

What’s the number that you have to reach in order for you to feel good enough? To feel man enough?

Even though it shouldn’t matter to many men, it does. Because that’s what they’ve been brought up believing: that more money = more manly.

What happens if that all gets stripped away? What’s left for the man underneath?

The rest of this article is one of the monthly paid pieces for JACK subscribers, we’d love it if you’d consider upgrading, or you can redeem your free article token to unlock this article.

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And yet, men have been taught only one way of being. One way of existing. You’re either a man, or you’re not. But where have these lessons come from, and why? And, importantly, how do we begin to write a new story for the future of men?

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Many men have no shortage of other blokes they can drop a text to, no shortage of men following them on social media. Plenty of men they can catch up with over a beer or kick a ball around with.

But how many men have friendships they would genuinely consider deep? Built on a connection that goes beyond the superficial? One where they could ring their mate up and say “I’m really struggling”, without any fear of shame or rejection?

The honest truth is that there aren’t many men.

Those of you here, reading this, might be outliers. We’re here because, for some reason or another, we want to break out of the mold that has been forced onto men from a young age. So perhaps the above experience doesn’t ring completely true for you.

But I’d wager that for many of you (myself included), navigating friendship with other men in the modern age can still feel a bit tricky at times. It can feel like a dance where you don’t know all the moves, aren’t sure what the next song is, and to be honest would rather not be on the dancefloor at all.

Why is that? Many men have been taught to actively avoid vulnerability and emotion in their friendships, from a very young age. They were bullied out of connection on the school playground, their status judged not on the kindness of their heart, but on their sports skills.

These boys, who become men, learnt that validation among other men comes from good chat on the weekend’s football scores and how well you can dish out + receive banter.

We’re not knocking these things. So many men love and enjoy them, and indeed for many, it’s a staple part of masculine connection. But we need to be able to expand friendships beyond only the surface-level and superficial. We need to be able to bring vulnerability and honesty into our connections.

It’s not just because of our personal preference. It’s a biological need for humans. Let’s get into why and, most importantly, how.

Read more

1/ Books

A few works of literature about men and masculinity have either been released or are due to be released soon.

Letters to Our Sons

Stephen Graham, acting legend and one star of the show Adolescence, has announced a followup project; a book titled Letters to Our Sons. Written alongside Orly Klein, it’s a project focused on fathers writing letters to their sons (the clue was in the name with that one!), about what it means to be a man.

They’re looking to source letters from dads out there, so hit the link here if you want to learn more and submit.

More info here:

Boy’s Don’t Cry

Jamie Laing, former Made in Chelsea star, this week released a book called Boys Don’t Cry. In the blurb’s own words:

“In a world struggling to find genuine connection, Jamie wants to share his experiences of life, relationships and maturing. He takes us through his personal A-Z of growing up in today’s society - from overcoming anxiety, checking in with your mates and working out what makes you happy, to embracing our failures, trying therapy and understand what it means to be a loving and present partner.”

Be a Man About It (A shameless plug)

I’ve (George) also written a book on masculinity, due to be published in January 2026. It’s a critical examination of the pressures facing the modern man, the devastating impact it’s having and, most importantly, what we can all do to change things for the better.

It’s open now for preorders, so I will be eternally grateful for anyone who snags a copy. The wonderful Sir Stephen Fry has read an advanced copy and told me it’s ‘absolutely fascinating’, so I promise it’s not a boring read!

The most important thing with all of this is that there is new and good content coming out by men, for men. The publishing world is a business world like any other, and publishing houses publish books that they, ultimately, think they can make a profit on.

The fact that we’re seeing more books being published on this subject in a short space of time (among the ones that already exist), tells us that the market wants this content, and that there are people willing to invest in learning more about it. Positive signs.

2/ Events

Mens Mental Fitness Summit

This month, Pasco, Pelé and Giles hosted the first Men’s Mental Fitness Summit, headlined by the awesome Dr. Alex George.

Bringing together 50+ men at Red Bull’s HQ, it created something we know we all need more of; spaces for men to come together to talk about the real stuff.

There’s so much to love about this event, but the most important thing for us is that there were so many men there. You only have to look at the pictures to see the room was busy. Men want connection with other men. We just need to give them the spaces.

3/ Interviews

A couple of interviews have cropped up in the last few weeks with celebrities. Sharad Malhotra, an Indian actor, and Khalil Rountree Jr., an American MMA fighter, have both been in the news talking about positive masculinity.

They’ve both mentioned the need to expand out what masculinity means, and for men to accept their more vulnerable and emotional side.

I must admit, I personally hadn’t heard of either of these gentlemen before, but that isn’t the point. The point is, much like the book stuff above, that these stories are getting picked up by the media. Much like the publishing industry, they wouldn’t be published if there wasn’t an audience for it, so it just adds to that feeling of positivity around people actively engaging with material that is changing how they view masculinity.

Of course, we all hope for a world where we no longer need stories like this. Where we aren’t having to fight for it to be okay for men to talk about their emotions. But until we get there, let’s keep the stories coming in the big mags.

4/ Campaigns

UK paternity leave is a mother f**cker

The wonderful organisations Pregnant Then Screwed and The Dad Shift have launched an excellent campaign, ‘UK paternity leave is a mother f**cker’.

In short, it’s shining a light on the woefully inadequate paternity leave laws for new fathers and how it essentially screws the mothers who are left without the vital support and care they need.

Often when we talk about better rights for men, pockets of people shout back about how we shouldn’t be talking about that in the face of widespread inequality women face. But this misses the point.

Better rights for men isn’t just about men. It’s about everyone. Supporting men means supporting women, and vice versa.

We love this campaign both for its punchy style, but also because it’s exactly what we need more of: men and women working together.

5/ Reports

YouGov - Young men, masculinity and misogyny

YouGov has published a huge new study on attitudes towards masculinity and misogyny across all generations. It pushes back on this prevailing narrative that seems to exist at the moment that young boys have been hugely radicalised and represent something to fear.

The younger generations have a far less favourable view on Andrew Tate than we might be led to believe (only 1 in 8 having a positive view), and also have much more positive attitudes towards women too.

It must be said, however, that they seem to believe much more strongly in a rigid form of masculine values. There is progress to be seen, but what it highlights more than anything is how complex and complicated a picture this is.

That might sound obvious, but often we only hear about masculinity and men in either headlines or social media; two places where, sadly, nuance is often in short supply. The broader picture, as supported with things like this YouGov data, shows that things are more complex than that, and need a nuanced discussion and response.

A snapshot there of some of the biggest stories happening around masculinity in the last few weeks.

How did they land with you?

Anything we missed that we should include in the next one?

Let us know in the comments.

George and James x

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We’ve never been more connected, and yet felt more apart.

Only 27% of US men report having six or more close friends, down from 55% in 1990.

We’re seemingly more isolated, lonely, and exhausted than ever. Close friendships often exist primarily in phones rather than physical meetups, even though we maintain dozens, maybe hundreds, of “friendships” through superficial social media followings.

Getting a thumbs up on one of our selfies from someone we knew fourteen years ago satisfies our short-term need for dopamine, but it doesn’t satisfy our true human, biological need for connection.

Because that’s what we’re dealing with here; a biological need. Humans are social creatures that rely on cooperation and community for survival, while hormones are released during social interactions. Chronic loneliness, on the other hand, has been linked with a number of health issues and even premature death. Dr Vivek Murthy, the former Surgeon General of the US, said that lack of social connections can even be as damaging as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.”

And yet many, many men have been bullied, shamed or taught into avoiding strong, deep interpersonal connections with other men.

Why is this? And what can we do about it?

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